Wednesday, July 31, 2013

we call this the love bush, sadly the love bush died :(
Today, I have been thinking about brothers. Most specifically three brothers. These three were meant to be together.  We played at the park with another family we sometimes see at church. Michael, brother number three,  isn't super familiar to their kiddos. I think Jacob, brother number two, had noticed for a moment his younger brother from these new friends' perspective. He asked me in a candid unremarkable way, " If Michael didn't have special needs (saying a term that comes so easily to my lips, but for him wasn't a phrase but two separate distinct words), he probably wouldn't need so much help. When he gets bigger will he still need help? " It was a moment quickly over after I answered simply, "I don't know. Probably."

Just before bed, I heard squealing as brother number three scrambled up onto the couch saying, " I safe! I run from Jacob!" This a concept that brother number two had taught him - if Michael was on the couch he was safe from tickles. Later Jacob changed the safe spot to try to convince him to go to the bathroom and have his teeth brushed before bed. The game worked so well until Michael became too excited and tickled him - in the eyes. His tickles come without typical restraint. Jacob was hurt - his eyes were a little sore, but his feelings were hurt, too.  He came to me a little bewildered, he was trying so hard to play and help. I scooped him up and told him I knew that Heavenly Father could send Michael to our family, because of his big brothers. Because Brother number one and two had something special, are something special.  As I looked deep into Jacob's eyes, I knew he knew. He was meant to be a brother, to help teach and to be taught.

We went to a follow-up appointment with the developmental pediatrician. It was summer, so all three brothers came along. Michael knew that he "need to let Mom talk".  The older brothers knew that they also needed to let Mom talk and stay quiet and out of the way. They knew all the special treatment, all the toys to play with, the stickers and encouraging words weren't for them.  Mom needed to hear the Dr give their brother another official label, hoping that giving a name to a  piece of him would help in the whole brilliant puzzle. Autism's puzzle piece seems appropriate for my little man. One piece of his puzzle. Numbers one and two were quiet almost the whole hour and a half, reading books and playing on the iPad.  The singular nature of the iPad eventually won and some whining occurred. Not too bad, considering. Number three wandered and walked in circles, walking through plot lines and familiar stories, making drinks and dinner for Mom and the Dr.. We escaped the exam room and back up to the front desk to make another appt while Number one  wrestled Number three from the automatic door.  Another little boy, struggling while waiting to begin the process we had just endured, didn't seem unusual to my boys, the older brothers. They didn't even blink. They knew he was special, like their brother.

But, I hope they know how special they are. Their journey is just as important. I hope they understand that while Michael gets a good portion of the attention pie, they are so loved and so needed. I hope that we give them enough special treatment. I hope they know that this didn't happen by chance. They didn't get the short end of the stick. Even though sometimes it might feel that way. Our family was designed by Someone who understands, who truly understands what they are feeling. He knew each of these brothers before they lived in these cute little bodies. He knew what each had to offer and allowed me to experience it all.

I hope. I pray. I know - that He knows each one of  them and didn't leave them here to figure it out alone. We fit together, like pieces in a puzzle.
Oh, By the way - Jacob is Baptized! I need to get back into this whole blogging thing!


DawnSheree said...

Cyndi, this post was amazing. I got the chills the whole time I was reading it. I'm so lucky to have had you in a part of my life. I'm blessed to have known Michael as well. You do have some special spirits in your home. Good luck with all your changes. :)


This is a great post it makes me think of my brother we are only two children nice post once again
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